The Last Conversation with my Dad

My father died in 1995. I didn't hear about his death for at least a week after it happened. My oldest brother - half brother actually, his first son - found my mom's phone number, called her, and she called me with the news.

A week after he died, I learned that he had succumbed to TB. This was his second battle with TB in a few years. He was 68.

At that point, I hadn't talked to him for at least 2 years. So I guess the extra week that it took for me to find out that I would never actually be able to hear his voice again, didn't really matter. I mean it was just a week, right.

That voice. My dad was a singer. He never really made a living at it, but that was what he was. Anything else he did, was just to pay the bills. He sounded almost exactly like Billy Eckstine, but he always maintained that it was Eckstine who sounded like him. I'm not sure why he said that, since Eckstine was born in 1914 and my dad was born in 1927. But that's what he said, and I think he was serious about that. He was a very serious guy.

After my parents split up, he'd call and ask to talk to me. My mom would hand me the phone, and he'd say "Brian, it's me . . . your father." Every time he said that, I'd think how clueless he must have been, how could I not recognize him and that voice.

He was little, 5'6" and no more than 150 lbs. But he had this intensity that was genuinely scary. He didn't smile often, and he wasn't quick to give praise. He was liable to explode at you for some infraction that seemed pretty minor, but which he took very seriously. He was not an easy person to live with. Looking back, I'd guess that he was very hard on himself about not feeling that he had reached his potential.

Three months after he died, I was sitting in a restaurant in Johannesburg. It was kind of an odd restaurant - a bohemian hangout that served Thai food and played American Blues records - loudly. The owner seemed to be enjoying himself, but he clearly had no patience for anyone telling him how to "improve" the place. If you didn't like to food, or the music, or the waitresses or the service, well you could just go eat somewhere else. That is exactly how my dad ran his restaurant. And the rest of his life as well.

I was sitting there at that restaurant by myself, eating my dinner and enjoying the music, and all of a sudden he was there. Sitting across from me, with his legs crossed, enjoying one of his signature unfiltered Pall Malls. He didn't say anything, so I couldn't hear his voice. But I felt it. He was smiling. He was proud of me. He was at peace. Finally.

No Country For Old Man

I LOVE this video. And all of the others from PSA.

But before you watch - know that the worst word in the ENTIRE english language is said repeatedly. But it's bleeped. Still - not really safe for work. Or for kids who are gonna say to you in public - "mommy, what's a ..."

Enjoy?




The truest moment starts at 1:44.

The not safe for work version is here

Raising Money

It seems that first thing that the Obama campaign did well was to raise money. But that won't stop me from piling on and trying to raise more. So to my massive readership, I'd ask you both to go to my personal Obama campaign fundraising site, and give a little more.

I'm also putting it into the headline of the blog as well, just in case you forget :-)

Thanks,
Brian

It's Going to Be Cold This Winter!

The price of Diesel and the price of home heating oil (HHO) track very closely to each other. The reason is that home heating oil and Diesel are very similar products, such that to make more of one means making less of the other (from a given barrel of oil).

The price of Diesel has risen significantly faster than the price of gasoline, most likely due to the increase in Diesel cars being built and sold around the world.

In the winters of 2005 - 2006, and 2006 - 2007, Diesel and HHO cost about $2.50 per gallon. Last winter, they cost about $3.50 per gallon. Diesel is currently going for about $4.75 and rising.

This is going to be a big deal this winter. If Diesel hits $5.00 per gallon and stays there over the winter, there are going to be people freezing to death all over the Northeast and Midwest (where HHO is commonly used).

I don't have any answers to this problem. But I will say that if I lived in a home that used HHO, I'd spend my summer insulating. If I ran a local government in an area with lots of HHO heated homes, I'd be scrambling to find funds to do whatever could be done to mitigate this problem NOW.

Makes you go hmmm...

Reading right wing blog postings usually makes me scream at my computer. Reading the comments, usually makes me sad that there are so many people in this country who are just so ... wrong.

But the other day, when reading one of Bay Buchanan's columns, I saw this comment (posted here in its entirety):

You have hit the Democracy problem on the head. We no longer live in a Democratic Republic. The liberal MSM and hardcore liberal politicians and their backers like Soros are trying to turn this country into a Democracy. Now that the citizenry knows they can vote themselves freebies from the government they will always vote for the candidate that promises them the most. This results in the country being dependent upon the government for everything. Liberals are tearing the fabric of this nation apart. It is now OK to be irresponsible and unaccountable. Responsibility and accountability are what made this nation strong. Now we have a bunch of spineless wonders running things. They do what works for them not what is right for the country. Democracies always fail and always follow the same pattern:

From bondage to spiritual faith;
From spiritual faith to great courage;
From courage to liberty;
From liberty to abundance;
From abundance to complacency;
From complacency to apathy;
From apathy to dependence;
From dependency back into bondage

We are currently in the apathy to dependence stage of the cycle. Without true conservatives in elected office we may soon fall into the final stage. If Obama is elected we will surely open that door. As others have said a vote for McCain is a vote against Obama. We are truly in trouble.

There are two thing about this that I find really intriguing. First is the question of whether we live in a Democracy or a Republic. The answer is pretty straight forward from the perspective of the constitution - we live in a Republic. But I would bet that if you ask 100 Americans, no more than would 10 would be able to answer correctly.

I agree with the constitution in that states should have as much power as possible. States should not be able to restrict the constitutional rights of any citizen, but other than that, they should be able to do what they want to do. Legalize drugs - sure. Allow people to drive 100 mph on certain highways - why not? Legalize marriage between two men - sure. Tax gas so that it costs $10 per gallon - hell yeah! I don't even think that the federal government should be able to tax individuals - the state should collect the taxes and submit a payment for federal services to the federal government. (but that's just another one of my nutty ideas)

And then again, I live in California, and I think that we left coasters will get it right if the feds get off of our backs.

The other point that the comment makes is that people will always vote themselves benefits but will not usually vote to pay for em. I agree that this is the case. I disagree that this is a liberal thing. There's not a whole lot of liberals who are getting farm subsidies, or oil company subsidies, or any other type of corporate welfare for that matter.

It seems to me that what is really happening is that people are voting for benefits first, and then arguing over who has to pay for em. And as long as big money controls the political process, the people will big money will always come out on the sweet smelling side of that argument. The rest of us will be left in the shit.

Are you the mother?

I've been thinking lately about how I wanted to get some of my thoughts on race and racism out of my head and onto the page. My problem is that every time something comes up, I feel like I have to tell the whole story or it won't make sense.

And since I'm 42, it's a pretty long story.

So I'm gonna take a different path, I'll just talk about stuff as it comes up. Here's what's come up recently.

I live in Piedmont, a little town of about 15,000 people. Our little town has just a handful of black folks, so even though the Oakland (which is five minutes away by foot) is the most diverse big city in the country, Piedmont is very white and pretty darn wealthy.

Yesterday, one of my daughter's school friends and her father dropped by unannounced to see if my daughter was available for a play date. My wife (who is medium brown) and daughter (who is my complexion - uh... almost transparent) were outside in the yard. The girls excitedly agreed that they wanted to have their play together, so the dad looks at my wife and says:

"Are you the mother?"

Really?!? Not "hi, I'm Susie's dad," or "are you Ella's mom?"

"Are you the mother?"

My wife was, understandably, offended by this, as she has spent the last eight years being assumed, by white people, to be our children's nanny.

On the other hand, how do you politely ask an adult you have never met if they are the responsible guardian?

I wonder if white parents every experience this sorta thing? If so, under what circumstances. I know other black women get it. I was reminded of this by the title of a blog that I saw the other day - "Not the nanny."

Because we won..

Watch Sen Obama thank his HQ staffers, then turn the conversation and get em ready for what's next.



What I love about this is that he makes this OUR victory, not his. Obama turns this primary victory from a self congratulatory party celebrating how wonderful and smart we all are, into a moment of reflection. A moment that says now that voters have trusted us, we cannot fail. We MUST win the Presidency. That thing we just did, that was unimportant. But this thing, this general election, this is critical, this is must win.

This is a warm up for his inauguration speech, where he will tell all of us "now that WE have won back the white house, it's time for US to get to work. I am but your humble servant, sent here to help you take your country back, sent here to help YOU make YOUR country great again."

He's right of course. His job as president will not be to have all of the answers or to be able to fix all of the problems. His job will be to motivate US to put our shoulders to the grindstone and work hard to fix things. His job will be to lead the effort to make sure that we all benefit from our shared citizenship and residency. his job will be to lead us.

And we all know that he's extremely well qualified to do that.